Archive for: Insight

A View from the Top

January 30, 2013 - Author: admin

(click image for source)

In the past 30 days Brigham and I have…

…jumped into purchasing a home (99% there – 2 weeks to go), and therefore experienced every conceivable emotion from joy to relief to frustration and tried patience, to hope and back to joy. {When you get there, basically, it is the emotional equivalent of falling desperately in love, hastily proposing to someone with a huge rock -aka your life savings-…and waiting one month for them to field your competition and get back to you}

…sold out of 140+ pillows IN 4 HOURS thanks to the marketing geniuses at Brickyard Buffalo (making this little etsy shop a viable prospective full time job, and super fun to think about and plan and design for)

…graduated ‘cum laude’ (Brigham) from the Boston Conservatory with TWO distinguished Master’s degrees in Music Performance and Music Education

…been selected for a prestigious award (Brigham) as THE standout “Most Promising Music Educator” from the Boston Conservatory by overwhelming vote from the faculty. The award will be presented at the Massachusetts Music Education Department in March, by the keynote speaker.

…started plans (Brigham & Mike) to make a new (3rd) CD to hopefully be released Summer 2013!

…been requested to play a fireside in CA later this year (Brigham)

…been offered a dream job (Brigham…at least for now) as a long term substitute Strings Teacher for someone going on maternity leave.

…released sheet music online for purchase so that anyone can play Hardey and Welch music (Brigham worked really hard on that one)

…got back in touch (i.e. long and enjoyable phone conversations) with almost all of my best friends! Love them so much!

…accepted new callings to serve as mentors to youth in our ward. We are both honored and excited about this!

…joined an indoor soccer team! And I’m thrilled about it.

…booked a trip to our homeland (so cal) for some much needed sunshine and enjoyment.

Perhaps it is because I live on the 3rd floor, and all it takes have ‘a view’ is to peek out my bedroom window, but obviously it is much, much more meaningful than that. It’s even more than the ocean view from upstairs at our new house. More than any physical view, it is all of our recent blessings lifting me up to see how wonderful it feels to have believed in a path that was difficult at times to believe in, endured the journey tenaciously, and now seen it through to completion. I feel like a champion who is very much at the peak of a mountain top, seeing everything so clearly, after never-ending treacherous switchbacks, and everywhere I look I am literally overwhelmed by the beautiful scenery, while simultaneously experiencing a deep, deep sense of sanctification and appreciation and in particular, vindication, for the journey and struggles and climb and the faith that carried me up to this point of joyful resolution. And as an added bonus, now I understand why my dad climbs Mt Whitney every other year.

Particularly as I reflect on the decade of my 20′s (my days in this era are numbered – thankfully), it’s easy to recall the knotted mess of confusion and heartache that was constantly abounding as I searched tirelessly for a place to plant my roots and flourish, but seemed to be met with constant disappointment. For so long, nothing fit. For so long, something was always off, and preventing me from success and enjoyment and accomplishment. I was basically Edith Crawley. But now, everything clicks, and everything we work hard for actually happens.

I see myself in my current condition – thriving, utterly unscathed and whole and happy to the highest degree that one can feel happiness, able to love and forgive and express compassion and understanding; happy self, happy marriage, happy friendships, happy accomplishments, happy testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and beyond optimistic about the future. And then I ponder “how is it that I have been so blessed?” I have not been particularly fantastic or spiritual or fanatical or diligent – I’ve just consistently followed my heart and put one foot in front of the other, and hoped that one day karma would eventually accumulate to my benefit. To that end, I can say that the Lord has remembered and returned my fondest, forgotten hopes in great detail. It is astonishing what Christ can do with our lives when we faithfully endure. What he wants to do and clearly will do in his own time and his own way, it is utterly breath taking. And I am one grateful girl.

Hebrews 12:2

“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

-Jones

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Settling into 2013

January 4, 2013 - Author: admin

It’s a New Year!

In the past month, I have made some honest assessments with regards to my personal life, my professional life, my creative life, my spiritual life, my family life, my financial life, my school life, and how it all rolls into one to help me measure up to the happiness I hope to live each day with. I have examined everything from how often I blog, to how and why I have drifted from reading my scriptures everyday, to how I treat my husband, family and friends, how much time I waste on facebook and instagram, or the internet at large, to time spent watching TV, to giving service (or not), to exactly how much money I spend and exactly why I save it, or give it away. Like I said, I’ve looked at everything. And in 2012 I have come up short.

Now, I didn’t consciously wake up on mid-December and tell myself: “you need to think about all these things.” But I just sort of recognized that the world was changing, and so was I, and I was not sure how much I consciously had anything to do with it. Strangely, I have felt slightly out of focus, even though I can avidly recognize that I’ve been extremely blessed more so than any other time in my life. That relationship of being foggy midst abundant blessings is what really hit me. Why?

I can think of a few good reasons. All of them have something to do with not putting my whole heart into my everyday activities. And in the new year season, I want to make sure that I have something to do with changing focus. Changing me.

As a result, you may not hear from me as often on this blog. Pardon me while I spend my time in real life. I’ll reserve this space for important and interesting updates, the special things!

So, the focus is changing this year.

So 2013, you will be the year of full purpose of heart.

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music music music

November 21, 2012 - Author: admin

This post is something I’ve been thinking about since I read this NY Times article earlier this week about Taylor Swift, her many insecurities, and her ‘not getting’ the indie rock, hipster, underground culture.

“I have so many indie bands on my iPod. What I don’t really understand is the attitude that if a band is unknown, they’re good, and if they get fans, then you move on to the next band.” – Taylor Swift

On one hand, Taylor has a point – this underground=cool phenomenon makes almost no sense. Especially for someone who gained international super-stardom by writing her own songs, not having a conventional voice and basically paving her own way in the music industry (dropping a major label and going for an unknown one on her debut album, crossing genre’s. etc.). In her world, success=cool and fans=success, and the whole lot = a LOT of money. [I'll premise this by admitting that I am a Taylor Swift fan. I have purchased all of her music at one point or another, and I think she is pretty good at what she does, and also, I wish I owned every single one of her peplum dresses.]

On the other hand, I remember being 20 years old and ‘cool’ and only liking ‘underground’ ‘non-mainstream’ music that my even cooler friends found and exposed me to by going to lots of underground concerts. It was like stumbling on an entire world of cool that I had not even known existed before college. At that age, my identity was molded by my taste in music, and my taste in music essentially became the gauge of coolness by which all other 20 somethings were measured. There were people I didn’t want to date on the sole reason that they didn’t like the same bands as me. There were guys I did date just because they did, and plus they could expose me to more cool indie music.

Bottom line, to answer Tayolr Swift’s quandary, hipsters (and really cool 20 year-olds) move on from bands and fashions that hit the mainstream because nobody wants to be that person who based his/her entire identity on something or someone that EVERYONE has access to. It would defeat the purpose of being a hipster altogether. If who you think you are is completely crafted by your taste in art/fashion/music underground trends, then who are you when everyone else becomes equally invested in the exact same things? You become a cheap copy. And that, Taylor, is why unknown bands are just so darn cool. Nobody can make a cheap copy of something that is hardly known. And so, by constantly pursuing the next unknown non-trend, hipsters can continually prostrate their own superiority and delay recognition of the inevitable fact that none of it really matters.

By the time I was 24, my music savvy friends had moved away and I simply didn’t care enough to invest in knowing who the cool new underground bands were. My taste in music stopped defining me. In fact, the last 2 relationships I was in (my husband, and my ex before him) we have had complete opposite taste in music. Not surprisingly, these relationships have worked out rather well. My relationships only improved as I started being more and more defined by my own character traits and commitments and goals, or, in short, became an authentically unique person.

Enter part 2 of the reason I wrote this post.

Sadly the other side of this coin, sigh, is that if a song isn’t top 40 or on the radio, I don’t even know it exists. I am so desperate to find GOOD music (known or unknown) that isn’t completely played out on the radio, or too weird and bazaar. In my daily scroll through pinterest boards, I had the good fortune today to discover that one of my favorite bloggers natthefatrat follows Lovely + Rust on pinterest, so I decided to take a scroll through her blog. And BAM, there it is: Music Mondays (a list of 10 really good songs selected by people who are really into music). So far, I’ve only listened to one band on the list, Dawes, but I’ve really enjoyed it! Here is the rest of the list I snagged from just one of many Music Monday posts:

1. Mount Moriah // Lament
2. The Horrible Crowes // Behold the Hurricane
3. Dawes // Time Spent in Los Angeles
4. Motopony // Kind of Diamonds
5. Jessica Lea Mayfield // Blue Skies Again
6. Alabama Shakes // I Found You
7. Mumford & Sons // I Will Wait
8. Gaslight Anthem // Here Comes My Man
9. The Head And The Heart // Lost In My Mind
10. Trampled By Turtles // Wait So Long
11. Heartless Bastards // Parted Ways

So friends, for those of you in a similar situation as myself – who have completely lost touch with cool bands, your welcome.

Happy Thanksgiving {and thank you SO much for all the birthday love yesterday on facebook!}

-Jones

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Guest Post: Spirit vs. Not

November 14, 2012 - Author: admin

When You Have the Spirit	When You Do Not Have the Spirit
1. You generally feel happy and calm.	You may feel unhappy, depressed, confused, frustrated most of the time.
2. You feel full of light.	You may feel heavy, full of darkness.
3. Your mind is clear.	Your mind may be muddled.
4. You feel love for the Lord and others.	You may feel empty, hollow, cold inside.
5. You feel generous.	You may feel selfish, possessive, self-centered.
6. Nobody can offend you.	You may be offended easily.
7. You are very forgiving and kind.	You may usually be on the defensive.
8. You feel confident in what you do.	You may become discouraged easily.
9. You don’t mind others seeing what you are doing.	You may become secretive, evasive.
10. You want to be with those who love you—especially family members.	You may want to be alone most of the time. You avoid others—especially family members.
11. You are glad when others succeed.	You may be envious almost constantly of what others do and what they have.
12. You want to help others be happy, even those opposed to you.	You may want to get even and show others up.
13. You willingly perform Church work.	You may feel hesitant, unworthy, and unwilling to perform Church ordinances.
14. You feel like praying and reading the scriptures.	You may not want to pray or read scriptures.
15. You wish you could keep all the Lord’s commandments.	You may find the commandments of God and rules of the family bothersome, restricting, or senseless.
16. You usually control your appetites and emotions. You are calm and control your speech; you feel no anger.	You may be a slave to your appetites. You give way to strong anger and outspokenness.
17. You generally feel a deep desire to help others—usually in a way no one else will know about.	When you help others, your main desire may be to have your actions noticed.
18. You speak and think good about others.	You are critical of others, especially family members and those in authority.
19. You feel sorrow when others have problems and sincerely desire to help them.	You may often question others’ motives and secretly delight in others’ problems.
20. You realize that your thoughts and your actions are open to God.	You may feel that what you do and think is only your business and no one else knows or cares.

-John H. Groberg, adapted from a seminary outline. Read the whole talk here.

Jones here – I pulled this from Meg’s study blog (a daily drop) because I’m SO glad she posted it because it needs to be shared! This week, in honor of my 30 by 30, I reached out to someone in the spirit of forgiveness. Almost immediately after the conversation, my whole being went from being described on the right column to the left column. I didn’t think I was harboring that much ill feelings, but something definitely changed when I verbally let the words out “I forgive you completely.” I felt bright and clean inside. I almost cannot believe I was carrying around extra weight all this time – but whatever I got rid of made plenty of room for the spirit to have a place in my life again, and I am glad.

From Meg, who by the way is a mother of 3 boys under 4 years old, “Unsurprisingly, sleep deprivation is sure to throw me into the second column. I think that is one of the refining trials of motherhood: trying to keep the Spirit with you when you body is so exhausted. We have to rely more heavily on the Lord and remember to invite Him in so that we can be patient with the constant demands on our souls.” (See? Isn’t she the best?)

-Jones

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30 before 30

November 12, 2012 - Author: admin

In just a week from now, on November 20, I’ll be celebrating my 29th Birthday. But, for the past year or two with all the stress in my life, I’ve already felt 30…so I guess you could say it FEELS like I’m getting a year extra boost to get everything done that I want to do in my first 30 years! The 365 countdown will officially begin in 7 days, so here goes 30 goals to accomplish in the next year…

But, before I do that, I think I need to pat myself on the back for a few notable things I’ve already knocked off the list that I am super proud of myself for. This blog has certainly helped document a few of my small victories this year, but my decade of being 20-something has been fraught with unexpected obstacles and in many ways I’m excited to wrap it all up with a bang.

DONE (in the first 29)

backpack through europe (alone! thank you very much)
serve a mission in Hawaii
get hitched! And very happily mind you.
start an etsy shop
graduate college
be 100% financially independent (that was a big one for me)
stay close with best friends
re-learn piano (thank you 3+ years of piano church callings)
get to know grandma Jones with weekly visits (so glad I did before she passed away)
go white water rafting with Brigham
help Brigham get 2 masters degrees (yes, they’re mine too! I’m claiming them!)

There was a time when I was starting to come into my own, that I was incredibly gutsy and bold- almost crazy bold. People usually didn’t say the types of things that I would say. I told people (boys, authority figures, girls, whoever) exactly what I thought of them, or things, for better or worse. I loved to feel everything, and let every bit of life filter through every sensation I had, and then analyze ALL of it for hours, days. I felt comfortable venturing out of the country, or to the bathroom (you know how girls are) by myself. I loved analyzing intense social issues and bringing them up in day-to-day conversations, and I found out that other people found that refreshing. I was known to say on a regular basis “who gives a rats butt?” and I really meant it. When people asked me what I wanted to do for a living, I’d reply with 100% confidence “Whatever I want, of course” – and they bought it, and so did I. Whenever someone told me I was beautiful, I couldn’t accept the compliment unless I felt they really knew me, and were talking about my character. I still can’t. I loved people who didn’t love me back (which actually turns out to be a pretty great skill to acquire), almost defiantly, just to prove that ‘charity never faileth’ (even though a few times it did). And even though my life didn’t make a ton of sense to me at the time, or to anyone else, I LOVED being me. I was totally in love with life. I was constantly fascinated by everything. I was so faithful and prayerful and believing and I always just knew that things would work out. My best friends at the time loved me, and I loved them, and it was a big giant love fest of genuine friendship. I absolutely loved feeling authentic and alive and making my own personal touch on the world, and I loved watching each one of them do the same.

However, adult pressures and responsibilities and the need to make things work has watered me down quite a lot in the past 10 years, and I realized that I can’t always live my life not caring what others think, that I don’t really get to always do ‘whatever I want’ – and that sometimes it is nice to turn off feelings and be numb from time to time. But when the going got really tough, I went completely numb…I strove to be normal and easy to understand and I threw myself under the bus to appease people I could not please any other way, which totally didn’t work. It was miserable. And as I chucked all the quirky parts of me to the wayside, so to went my joy and lustre, and all my winning smiles (wink). The glitter that brought fascination and optimism to my life, my perspective, and my choices was hard to come by, and things that made me excited eventually burned out as I lost (so much) confidence in myself. It kind of felt like Fall was happening to my whole life, after the best, most vibrant summer and spring ever.

But if there is one thing I have observed about living in Boston, that I never could never quite grasp in California…it is that the seasons ALWAYS change! (thankfully!) Just when you have had enough of one season, there is another completely different one just around the corner – just waiting to invade your life for better or worse. And if you really miss your favorite season, it is totally legitimate to look forward to it coming back. And speaking of trees, I’ve been feeling around for my roots pretty actively since I got married and moved to Boston and especially since I started this blog, and I’ve come to the realization that the closer I get to the girl I had the courage to be at 19, the happier I am. So, here’s to being me…and blooming where I’m planted…for the next three decades!

30 BEFORE 30

Apply for Grad School!
Take the GRE and get a high score
Buy a house with Brigham and fix it up
Have a baby (but you know…can’t put a deadline on these things)
Have our first christmas at our own home (no traveling!)
Get my family genealogy names to the temple
Go on a carribean vacation with friends (cruise? Puerto Rico? all-inclusive?)
Go to a live concert (rock, classical, whatev)
Visit the best 5 museums in Boston
Get my ‘little boston print shoppe’ items featured on craft daily deal websites at least once.
Go camping in Vermont
Go to NYC to research genealogy (guess what! 90% of my ancestors came through NYC and stayed there! I guess I am an east coaster at heart…it’s in my blood)
Remember birthdays of friends and family and send them cards/gifts this year.
Go Dancing with Brigham (Zumba @ YMCA counts btw)
Go zip-lining through trees
Visit North Carolina to see Brigham’s mission
Take a tour of Mormon Church History on East Coast
Read ALL of the Harry Potter books
Read the Book of Mormon cover to cover (last time I did this was years ago)
Be a best friend and a hot wife to my husband (it’s trickier than you’d think)
Run in a REAL race
Wholeheartedly forgive everyone (or anyone) who has ever hurt me
Send hand-written notes to friends/family when I think about them
Offer some kind of service or volunteer work in the community
Make a trip back to Hawaii to visit my mission (and my brother)
Go to estate sales with Brigham
Design 10-15 more items for the etsy shop (at least)
Eat a Maine Fresh Lobster (have avoided it so far – not a huge fan of seafood)
Visit every state in New England/North East at least once
SMILE at everyone All the time.

-Jones

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Letting Go {or} Transferring Ownership?

October 19, 2012 - Author: admin

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a few experiences that really could have bummed me out. Nothing major, or life changing, but certainly enough little pieces of bad news (car problems, wasted money, or just bad luck) to bring me to a breaking point. As I was struggling to not throw up my arms and just say FML and call it a day, I remembered a scripture that I have heard a thousand times (Mosiah 24 from the Book of Mormon – see below) about casting your burdens upon the lord, and how he will make them light. I also remembered a few people who have had considerable worse luck than myself, and that helped too. (it’s so sad, but why does that always help?)

14 And I will also ease the ^aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as^bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their ^cafflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with ^cpatience to all the will of the Lord.

So after being upset all day (even my boss noticed that I wasn’t in my usual spirits) and a crying episode (I think for the first time ever) in my husband’s arms, I decided that I was going to officially give the invitation to “cast my burdens” a test drive. I knelt down, and prayed something along these lines: “Dear Heavenly Father, I know that my burdens aren’t that heavy, but I really feel shafted by this toll situation and car problems and I don’t want to keep carrying these feelings around – please take them.” And then, after that, surprisingly, I found other things to dump off my load. I dumped sour feelings from old relationships, financial worries, disappointed hopes, and basically, pretty much everything I could think of that I didn’t want to do by myself anymore. Miraculously, in the next 24 hours, I felt like a completely new person. I’m talking squeaky clean new, not a care in the world, optimistic as ever- new.

The small transformation I felt this week has continued to be a topic of reflection for me, because it has lasted. It brought to mind all of the scenarios in my younger days when I tried to “let it go” and failed. Why is letting go working now?

Well here is my theory, in a story.

A woman is running a business successfully, but things are getting stressful, and she is having trouble balancing her work/life. She has to “let go” of something, but what? Nobody at work is trained well enough to take over her responsibilities, even if she delegates, since she runs everything. Her husband (if she has one) is not the sharpest with keeping up the finances and weekly chores and she is concerned that if she “lets it go” core responsibilities at home that some things will fall by the wayside. And truthfully, a few things probably will. It’s not for lack of desire that she doesn’t let things go, but the lack of trust she has in others to assume her responsibilities successfully or competently once she releases them. It is also for lack of desire on others to assume her responsibilities.

Consider another example. A teenage girl has a child on her own, and decides to give the baby up for adoption. The only thing that gives her the peace she needs and the resolve to go through with it, are the capable hands she trusts to love and care for her baby that are standing ready to adopt and be loving parents. If she just “let it go” (the baby) in some basket that floated off somewhere, she would probably not be able to go through with it. Of course she wouldn’t!

My theory is that the same concept goes for injured feelings, or disappointed hopes, a death in the family, break ups, disease, infertility, or anything else emotional that we carry around with us that we are deeply emotionally invested in. Because truthfully, if we let them go, is there anyone around who can competently deal with resolving them?? The sky? Outer Space? I mean, really!

So here is my conclusion. Although hugely popular advice, I really don’t think the whole “let it go” into outer space via balloon thing works. ”Letting go” is, of course, part of “Transferring Ownership” but isn’t it nice to think that somebody has taken over resolving what you personally cannot, who cares just as much, if not more about it than you do? I think that trusting and hoping in a higher power, at least for me, is far more effective. Knowing or believing that somebody (God) is essentially saying “I’ll take it from here, Honey” as I imagine myself handing rocks in my backpack into His hands, and he takes them and puts them on his shelf to deal with at just exactly the right time in just exactly the right way, and in exchange, giving me back uplifting feelings and good ideas that help me with the daily here and now. I know that not everyone who reads this believes in God, but for the sake of clarity, I trust that God exists and that He cares about me enough to do that stuff. I mean, clearly it has already worked. And isn’t that infinitely more confidence boosting than an image of watching a balloon float away…no?

What do you think? Has anyone else ever pondered this?

-Jones

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Guest Post: On Hallows and Halloween

October 16, 2012 - Author: admin

One of my goals for my 30^th year is to be more festive and celebrate more with my kids. So yesterday my husband and I took our kids to the pumpkin patch to pick out our Halloween pumpkins. I got to thinking about Halloween celebrations because of some Christian friends who posted on Facebook about their objections to celebrating Halloween. My first thought was that anciently, Paul counseled people not to eat meat from idols only because it could confuse others. In the US, there isn’t much risk of people thinking that we are celebrating the evil spirits or what-have-you, since pretty much no one does anymore.

But aside from the fact that it doesn’t do much harm, there is another reason I think we celebrate these non-religious holidays. It’s from The Family: a Proclamation to the World:

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

Holidays are a time for us to celebrate and do activities and spend time as a family. Family is, indeed, hallowed (as in holy, not haunted!). It doesn’t matter if I decorate my house to perfection or have the cutest Pin-worthy porch, but it does matter if I am spending time together with and growing closer to my family. And so I will relish and celebrate all these non-essential holidays, because in this world where so many things pull us away from our families, I want to hold on to the things that remind us to come together.

So Happy Halloween!